Ever wondered what it takes to become
a truly pretentious, so-far-up-yourself-you-could-cry, auteur filmmaker?
You’ve seen them; either in Hollywood or the independent sector
- film directors who think they’re God. Film directors who
think they’re conducting work that will change the world as
we know it. Danny De Vito once quoted an often heard saying in the
industry, “the reason why you become a director is because
the position of God has already been filled!”
Today, I’m here to share with
you my experience with an absolute insane auteur film director simply
called ‘Sputnik’. Filmmakers with one name are always
strange enigmas worthy of report somewhere; especially ones named
after a Russian space probe. Sputnik has managed to drive everyone
he’s worked with totally mad despite his ‘artistic’
achievements. The legend began with his first masterpiece, the five
minute opus simply titled “SHORT FILM”.
I had the chance to catch up with
Sputnik recently and he provided me with some tips for what he thought
would make a great film director like him. And rather than paraphrase,
I’ve decided to list his top 5 tips in his own words:
1. “It really is all about the
film” – And by extension, it’s about my vision.
Every film has to have a vision and everyone who works on the film
is serving the director’s vision. If you want to make it in
this industry, you have to be prepared to serve the director’s
vision. If not, you can go back to your garage with your little
handheld camera making movies and distributing them on some cheap
internet site. Being a director is not a popularity contest. Some
times you have to push people to get the best, and if that means
stepping on a few toes along the way, so be it. As long as the results
are up there on the screen. I don’t care if they don’t
like me! Neither should you!
2. “Actors are window dressing”
– Actors have this misconception that they are important to
film. What they don’t realise is that they’re just providing
elements of a performance to be manipulated later in the editing
room. That’s why when you hear famous actors talk about quitting
film, it means that they’ve learnt that they’re not
the centre of the universe, which is a disturbing thought for most
actors leaving their fragile egos crushed in a frenzy of sobbing.
Remember, it’s all about the film not all about the actors.
Better still, when any actor says a director is a self-absorbed,
egotistical wannabe, it means that the director has changed the
actor’s performance in editing despite what they discussed
on set, and they feel violated. Too bad. It’s not the end
of the world. They can always go back to the theatre.
3. “Pick a good title”
– The title must encapsulate everything to do with the film.
Take my first masterpiece; it really was all about the film. So
my first thought was to simply call it, “FILM”. Works
well, yes? But then I realised it was only five minutes long, so
I decided to call it, “SHORT FILM”. Make sense?
4. “Be dedicated” –
You know, most people can’t get off their sorry asses for
even two seconds to concentrate and do something worthwhile. When
I made “SHORT FILM”, I concentrated for four days to
make that film. FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT! And sometimes, I even worked
up to seven hours in a day! It was intense, but I was up to it.
And that’s why I’m such a brilliant director.
5. “Digital is evil” – I’m stating the word
‘digital’ on this one occasion only because I want filmmakers
to understand; ‘digital’ is the tool of the devil. Films
are made on film! All these pathetic little upstarts with their
whiz-bang digital amateur cameras and their supposedly powerful
computers thinking they can break through in to the industry with
their backyard prowess. Let me tell you something now: you’re
setting yourself up to fail. If you haven’t listened to anything
I’ve told you, make sure you listen to this: Films are made
on Film. Look at Spielberg, he knows what I’m talking about.
Not like his buddy Lucas. Those ‘Star Wars’ films were
just great weren’t they?
There you have it. In Sputnik’s
own words, what it takes to get yourself to the top of the industry.
Sputnik is currently working on a number of projects including his
debut feature masterpiece, “Feature Film”. If my experience
with him is anything to go by, the behind the scenes footage from
the making of that film could potentially be as fascinating as the
film itself. Only time will tell!
